The Right Guys Breakdown

10 Dec

DETAILS

Who — Mark Right & Lucy Brown
Social — @RightGuysReviews

In Summary —Mark and Lucy have been a clusterfuck of a Social media influencer families, embroiling themselves in scandal after scandal and more recently, Mark and Lucy have split up

Enter The Right Guys, Exit Your Sanity

Introduction / Overview

Alright, Take a breath, because today we’re diving head first into the steaming bin fire known as The Right Guys — Mark and Lucy: the discount influencers who couldn’t tell the truth if it crawled up their Family ring piece and introduced itself. We’re doing this backwards, because that’s how they live their lives. Chronology? Don’t know her. Consistency? Blocked. Accountability? She ran years ago.

Recently, The Right Guys announced the tragic passing of their son. Heart-breaking. Gut-wrenching. The kind of thing that deserves dignity and privacy. So naturally, they handled it in the exact opposite way — publicly, sloppily, and milking every last drop of engagement like it was breast milk made of gold dust.

First post:
“There’s a note. Someone is to blame.”

Two days later:
“No one is to blame. We’ve seen the note. Mental health is real.”

The speed at which they U-turned could’ve snapped a neck.
They couldn’t even keep the sympathy-baiting storyline straight for 48 hours. Offending the truth is their love language. Their son passed away on February 5th at 20 years old.
He was one of their eldest… Not that they ever kept track of how many kids they actually had — but we’ll get to that clusterfuck later. Mark and Lucy blasted the news across their monetised business page like it was a two-for-one sale. Not a private family tragedy. Not a moment for silence, reflection or respect. No — this was content. Content with capital C because cha-ching fills the Right Guys’ grief-shaped void.

Then Mark pipes up with:
“I’ve got to get back to work, 80 parcels need sending, no benefits, bills to pay.”

Oh yes, dullin. Nothing screams mourning father like the Primark influencer hustle post wedged between pity paragraphs. Except — and here’s the punchline — they’d just spent months bragging about not being broke. The Right Guys’ finances yo-yo harder than their morals

Personality & Behaviour

Let’s take a little scenic stroll through the personality swamp the Right Guys call “being real.”

Lucy

Juicy has a daughter she disowned faster than she blocks commenters.
Ask her about the girl and suddenly she’s developed amnesia so severe you’d think someone hit her with a frying pan.

Mark

Mark has a daughter too — somewhere in the universe.
He speaks about her with the same enthusiasm one has for a parking fine.

Yet when the IVF sob story rolled around, they acted like:

They only had one child
They were desperate for “a sibling”
Their entire family tree only grew from one lonely branch

Even Lucy claimed she was “sterilised after her first birth,” despite having multiple children raised by grandparents.

The Right Guys don’t “misremember.” They airbrush their lives more aggressively than their selfies, And while this miracle baby narrative was playing out, Mark was neck-deep in Class A’s, blasting through substances like he was trying to speed run self-destruction. They built their following on “keeping it real.” What they actually kept real was the chaos, the contradictions, and the absolute inability to act like functioning adults.

Online Behaviour & Accusations

This is the section where the Right Guys truly shine.
If lying was an Olympic sport, these two would’ve taken gold, silver, and bronze — then lied about how they got them.

1. The Kid Count Catastrophe

Depending on the day, the Right Guys have:

One kid
No kids
Three kids
Five kids
Or a small orphanage

The correct answer: five between them.
But according to them? Whatever number makes them look like the most tragic underdog in that particular week.

2. Fake Reviews, Fake Holidays, FAKE EVERYTHING

Their entire page is basically IKEA furniture:
Looks good until you get close, realise it’s hollow, and immediately regret trusting anything about it. Those luxury hotel reviews? Stock photos. Those “in my home Christmas” reviews?
Stock photos. Those scenic holiday sunsets? Google Images with a filter slapped on. They’re “reviewers” the same way a pigeon is “experienced in aviation.”

3. Weaponizing Parenthood Like It’s Content

Nark switches which child he loves based on:

Who behaves
Who makes him look good
Who he can exploit for a video that day

One day a child is “my world.”
Next day that same kid is “not part of the family.” He flips favourites faster than he flips middle fingers in his rants.

Videos show:

Filming kids without consent
Mocking them
Dragging them into arguments
Blaming them for online drama
Calling one son a troll
Publicly humiliating another for sending things to lads

It’s parenting by roulette wheel.
Spin it and pray.

Online Accusations & Allegations

The Right Guys love a good martyr moment.

According to them:

They’re constantly trolled
People are stalking them
Schools are being contacted
Workplaces are being called
They’re victims of harassment

But dig under the surface — just a little — and the story gets diarrhoea-level murky.

These two have allegedly:

Stirred shit at people’s jobs
Tried to get folk fired
Sent messages pretending to be victims
Started safeguarding dramas at schools
Harassed people under burner accounts
Posted public rants then deleted them when they looked stupid

And when the backlash hits? Mark magically develops a brand-new mental health diagnosis to hide behind. Convenient.

Public Embarrassments

Mark and Lucy don’t just embarrass themselves.
They embarrass their bloodline.
They embarrass the air around them.
They embarrass the pixels showing their faces.

Key moments include:

Inciting their followers to mass-attack a hotel because Juicy “didn’t like the vibe.”
Filming strangers at pools until security stepped in.
Screaming online about “jealous trolls” whenever someone clocked their lies.
Posting thirty different versions of the same story depending on how much sympathy they needed that day.
Exploiting their son’s tragedy in real-time for likes, shares, and engagement.
Jetting off on holiday right after the funeral like it was a reward for enduring grief for a whole week.
Missing another funeral entirely because “the holiday was booked.”

The Wrong Guys don’t have shame.
Shame packed its bags and left years ago

Final Thoughts

There we fucking have it, The Right Guys, A collection of disasters so chaotic they make EastEnders look like a mindfulness retreat. Each one of them stumbling through life like a pound shop circus act, juggling lies, drama, delusion and whatever dignity is left. Which isn’t Alot to be honest is it?

From wannabe Influencers to professional victims, from the Shake-it-like-you’re-possessed brigade to the ones who weaponize their “illness” harder than a toddler with a nerf gun - This lot are a walking proof that evolution occasionally hits shuffle on and hopes for the best.

They’re loud, messy, embarrassing and entirely allergic to accountability. Everyone of them claims to be the misunderstood hero of their own little tragedy…. Meanwhile the Receipts, Videos and tantrums do say otherwise. Its like watching a parade of self inflicted catastrophise dressed up as sob stories.

However, You know what?

If they’re good for anything — Anything at all— Is entertainment, Dark, Unhinged entertainment. As long as they keep performing we’ll keep watching. Because where else do you get front row sears to a clown show this consistent

Billy Foad